Movember - Counselling for men

As November came to an end, I found myself reflecting on the month as the time of the annual Movember movement—a global campaign dedicated to men’s health. What began in 2003 as a simple idea between two friends in Australia—growing mustaches in November to raise awareness of men’s cancers—has since evolved into a worldwide movement. Today, Movember not only shines a spotlight on physical health issues like prostate and testicular cancer but also takes on critical topics like men’s mental health, offering a platform to tackle the unique challenges men face.

In my work within the Violence Against Women and Girls (VAWG) sector, I primarily support women. However, my private counseling practice is open to both men and women. Recently, I completed training focused on working with male clients in therapy, which prompted me to reflect deeply on how “male-friendly” my practice is. Statistically, men are far less likely to seek counseling than women, raising important questions: What are the barriers preventing men from seeking help? What obstacles do they face in the counseling process? And how can I as a counsellor, create a therapeutic space that truly meets their needs?

In this blog post, I’ll explore the complex barriers men encounter when considering counseling. I’ll also share the steps I’ve taken to make my practice more accessible and responsive to male clients—breaking through these barriers and meeting them where they are.

Did You Know

1. The Misrepresentation of Masculinity in Therapy

Some men report encountering therapists who unconsciously bring biases, such as framing masculinity as inherently “toxic,” into the counseling space. This perception can feel alienating or damaging. While it’s true that certain expressions of masculinity can be harmful (e.g., promoting violence or suppressing emotions), masculinity itself is not inherently negative. In fact, when expressed positively, traits like resilience, leadership, and protection can flourish.

2. Male Suicide Statistics

In 2023, the male suicide rate was significantly higher than that of females, standing at 17.1 per 100,000 compared to 5.6 per 100,000. Men aged 45–49 had the highest suicide rate of all demographics, with a shocking 25.3 per 100,000. Regional differences also highlight the challenges men face, with Wales showing a higher male suicide rate compared to other parts of the UK (Samaritans, 2023). These numbers underscore the urgent need for tailored mental health support to address men’s unique struggles.

Reference:

Samaritans (2023) Latest suicide data. Available at: https://www.samaritans.org/about-samaritans/research-policy/suicide-facts-and-figures/latest-suicide-data/ (Accessed: 29 November 2024).

3. Unwelcoming Therapy Spaces

Therapy rooms often lean into stereotypically feminine aesthetics, featuring floral decor, pastel tones, and soft affirmations. While these elements may create a soothing atmosphere for some, they can feel alienating to many male clients

4. Language Used

Counseling traditionally emphasizes emotional expression and vulnerability, which some men find challenging. Men often process experiences differently, leaning towards practical, solution-focused thinking rather than emotional exploration

5. Biological and Cognitive Differences in Therapy Needs

Research suggests that men and women may approach problem-solving differently due to variations in brain functioning. Men, who often rely more on the brain’s left hemisphere, may prefer therapy styles that focus on logic, goals, and actionable solutions. In contrast, many women may benefit more from conversational exploration of feelings

6. Difficulty Defining and Expressing Mental Health Challenges

Men may struggle to articulate their mental health concerns, partly due to social conditioning that discourages emotional vulnerability. This difficulty can delay seeking help or lead to feelings of isolation

7. Self-Medication as a Coping Mechanism

Men are statistically more likely than women to turn to substances like alcohol or drugs as a way of self-medicating their mental health struggles. This coping strategy not only masks underlying issues but can also exacerbate mental health conditions

8. Gendered Presentation of Depression

Men often exhibit depression differently than women. While women may present with sadness and withdrawal, men are more likely to display irritability, aggression, or risky behavior. This gendered difference means depression in men can be overlooked or misdiagnosed, further hindering their access to effective support

In my practice, I actively work to address the barriers men often face when seeking counseling by adopting the following approaches:

1. Positive and Empathic Views of Masculinity

I strive to approach male clients from a perspective that sees the good in masculinity, avoiding assumptions that masculinity is inherently negative. By taking a positive and empathic view, I aim to challenge gender-biased counseling practices and avoid acting out of misandry. I remain mindful of my own potential prejudices, creating a space where men feel validated and supported in exploring their identity.

2. Addressing Suicidal Thoughts and the ‘Unspoken’

Given the alarming male suicide statistics, I pay close attention to exploring suicidal thoughts with male clients. I also make an effort to listen for what may be left unspoken, as men may struggle to articulate their emotional pain directly. This practice ensures I am attuned to the unique ways men may communicate their distress.

3. Inclusive Branding

I am in the process of reviewing my website and branding to ensure the imagery and tone feel inclusive. Instead of traditionally "feminine" designs, I use neutral tones and minimalistic decor to help male clients feel more at ease. This subtle but significant change can make therapy feel more accessible to men who may find overly feminine aesthetics alienating.

4. Adapting Language for Male Clients

I am increasingly mindful of the language I use with male clients, ensuring it resonates with their communication style. For example, I use terms like "brave" instead of "vulnerable" or "gaining control" rather than "seeking help." By focusing on action-oriented and practical expressions—such as “tackling problems” rather than “talking about them”—I better engage male clients. This approach helps balance emotional exploration with practical solutions, empowering men to take ownership of their therapeutic journey.

5. Flexibility in Counseling Styles

I adapt my counseling approach to better suit the needs of male clients, incorporating practical tasks that align with logical and action-oriented thinking. For example, I might include problem-solving exercises or use a solution-focused approach. This flexibility allows me to create an environment where men feel safe to explore and express their challenges in a way that feels natural to them.

These practices are essential steps toward creating a counseling environment where men feel understood, supported, and empowered to seek help on their own terms.

Reflections

Becoming a parent has a way of shifting perspectives, and for me, having a son recently has profoundly deepened my passion for addressing men’s health issues. As I watch him grow, I can’t help but think about the world he will inherit—the pressures he’ll face, the societal expectations placed upon him, and the challenges he might encounter in understanding and managing his mental health.

This personal connection has made me more mindful of how boys grow up navigating ideas of masculinity. Many are still raised in environments where they’re encouraged to “man up” or suppress their feelings, leading to harmful patterns of emotional isolation and stigma around seeking help. I reflect on how my son’s relationship with his mental health will be shaped by these influences, and I feel a responsibility to contribute to a world where he—and all men—can thrive emotionally, socially, and physically.

This journey has also led me to reflect on my own practice as a counselor and recognize areas where I’ve needed to grow. In the past, I admit I have been guilty of seeing men as “the problem” when they struggled to engage in counselling. I expected them to open up emotionally, to talk about their feelings and be vulnerable, without considering that this approach might not resonate with their needs or comfort levels. I’ve since realized how important it is to meet my male clients where they are, rather than imposing a standard of emotional vulnerability that doesn’t feel natural to them.

Not every client processes their emotions through vulnerability, and that’s okay.