Navigating Loneliness - Unwrapping the complex layers during the social season
As December unfolds and Christmas approaches, I often find myself reflecting on this festive season. The holidays with their emphasis on ‘togetherness' I find can sometimes intensify feelings of solitude. While it's a time traditionally associated with warmth, joy, and shared moments with loved ones, it's crucial to acknowledge that, for some, the twinkling lights and cheerful festivities can cast a stark contrast against the backdrop of loneliness with loneliness often heightened in the festive season.
As the year draws to a close, the reality emerges that, despite the holiday cheer and societal expectations of togetherness, loneliness remains a prevalent and poignant experience for many. The festive season becomes a nuanced landscape where feelings of isolation are, paradoxically, at their peak, emphasizing the need for a compassionate understanding of the complexities surrounding loneliness during this time of the year.
Loneliness is a universal human experience that transcends age, status, and social circles and does not just happen at this time of the year. It is crucial to recognize that one can feel lonely even in the midst of a crowd; I have felt my loneliest in life during moments when I have been immersed in a room full of people!
The festive season; typically associated with joy and togetherness, with many people making an effort to see friends or relatives, paradoxically witnesses a surge in loneliness, affecting not only older individuals but also a growing number of young people.
So what contributes to the growing feeling of loneliness in society today and, how can we feel lonely when surrounded by people?
Loneliness is a perceived mismatch between the quality or quantity of social connections that a person has and what they would like to have.
I believe that lonliness is not only about connecting with and being around others (humans are a social species by nature). I also believe that lonliness can be due to a lack of connection with oneself and lack of self-awareness. Lack of self-awareness can intensify feelings of lonliness by hindering meaningful connections with others. Being unaware of your emotions, needs or communication patterns can make it challenging to express yourself authentically. This can lead to a sense of isolation as you may struggle to connect with others on a deeper level. Additionally, without self-awareness you can engage in behaviours which push others away further isolating yourself. Therefore, increasing your self-awareness is crucial for fostering genuine connections both with and others and most importantly yourself.
I will give you an example:
I vividly recall one New Year's Eve from my early 20s; I was in the middle of a booming and very popular Central London nightclub with a lively clique of 20-plus friends and acquaintances seeing in the new year together yet I felt empty inside. Reflecting, I realise this is because as a person, the bustling nightclub scene was so not for me. There was a misalignment between my true authentic self and the frenzied nightclub scene. I attended the event in this bustling space as I did not want to see in the New Year alone; in a way, my loneliness and avoiding solitude was driving me to experiences that led to deeper feelings of isolation.
I now realise I had nothing in common with the people I was socialising with. It was not the fault of those around me, the root cause lay in my lack of self-awareness. Unfamiliar with my own preferences, values and personal boundaries, I navigated social circles without an anchor to my authentic self.
Now, armed with self-discovery, I recognise my idea of a perfect New years eve being surrounded by home comforts, time spent with loved ones, fireworks, prosecco, delicious food, a games night, vision board making, reflecting on the past year and goal setting for the year to come; a distant reality compared to the me over a decade ago standing ‘alone' in the middle of a nightclub dancefloor wishing the ground would swallow me whole.
Below Are Ten Top Contributors To Loneliness
1) The Illusion of Connection:
In our hyperconnected world, where social media fosters the illusion of constant connectivity, genuine human connections can be elusive. Surrounded by virtual interactions, individuals may find themselves isolated, yearning for authentic relationships that extend beyond the digital realm. The superficial nature of online interactions can amplify the sense of loneliness, especially during festive seasons when the importance of genuine connections is heightened
2) Busy Yet Lonely:
Modern life often glorifies busyness, equating it with success and fulfillment. However, the busier we become, the easier it is to overlook the need for meaningful connections. Young people, caught in the hustle and bustle of career aspirations and social obligations, may inadvertently find themselves isolated, lacking the time or energy to nurture deep, meaningful relationships
3) A Decline in Community:
The dynamics of social structures have evolved, with traditional community bonds weakening and giving way to more individualistic lifestyles. This shift can contribute to feelings of loneliness, particularly during festive seasons when societal expectations of gathering with loved ones can accentuate the absence of a supportive community
4) Comparisons and Expectations:
The festive season, marked by celebrations and gatherings, can become a breeding ground for comparison and unmet expectations. Young individuals may find themselves surrounded by others seemingly reveling in joy, exacerbating feelings of inadequacy and isolation. The pressure to conform to societal norms and portray a picture-perfect life on social media can intensify these emotions
5) Digital Overload and Disconnect:
While technology connects us, it also has the power to isolate. Constant exposure to curated online lives may lead to a distorted perception of reality, making individuals feel disconnected from the authentic experiences of those around them. This sense of disconnection can be particularly profound during festive seasons, magnifying feelings of loneliness
6) Lack of Self-Awareness:
Lack of self-awareness can intensify feelings of lonliness by hindering meaningful connections with others. Being unaware of your emotions, needs or communication patterns can make it challenging to express yourself authentically. This can lead to a sense of isolation as you may struggle to connect with others on a deeper level.
7) No or little social support:
Humans are inherently social beings and when individuals lack a supportive social network the can experience a void in companionship, understanding and shared experiences. The absence of someone to confide in or lean on in challenging times can intensify feelings of loneliness with no one to provide comfort or validation. People who live in certain circumstances, or belong to particular groups are more vulnerable to loneliness. For example belonging to a minority group and living in an area without others from a similar background, having no friends or family, experiencing discrimination and being excluded from social activites or, being a carer or single parent and finding it hard to maintain a social life
8) Internal Factors
Low self-esteem or a negative perception of oneself can create a struggle to form a positive relationship with yourself. Not having a positive relationship with yourself can make it even harder to then have positive relationships with others
9) Major Life Changes or Transitions
Significant life events such as experiencing a bereavement, grief or loss of any form (for example redundancy, divorce etc.) can disrupt social networks and routines. Temporary life adjustments may lead to temporary or prolonged periods of loneliness as you navigate the challenges these adjustments bring
10) Financial situation
Finding it difficult to socialise or take up hobbies due to financial difficulties
So, how can we cope when feeling isolated and lonely?
Below are ten coping strategies:
1) Encouraging mindfulness:
Mindfulness encourages you to observe your thoughts and feelings objectively. This self-awareness can uncover the rot cause of loneliness being experienced allowing you to connect with and understand yourself better therefore, taking proactive steps to address your emotional needs. Setting realistic expectations, especially during festive seasons, can help you to embrace your unique journey and find solace in the present moment. Practice journaling, meditation or yoga
2) Promoting Self-Compassion:
Prioritize self-care. Replace critical thoughts with positive self-talk focusing on kind and understanding thoughts towards yourself
3) Explore Hobbies:
Take up a new hobby or re-visit an old one. Seek out volunteering opportunities within your local community
4) Seek Professional Help:
Take up a block of therapy sessions as a form of self-care, to explore yourself and enhance your self-awareness. Call a helpline for someone to talk to or speak to your GP
5) Take A Walk:
Get out in and connect with nature. This can feel grounding
6) Go Somewhere New:
Go on a train or bus journey, take in the sights and absorb the experience of travelling. Sit or take a walk in a new park, spend time in a new coffee shop or library
7) Join Communities:
Connect with a community of like minded others. There are plenty online or in-person
8) Have a Date With Yourself:
Take yourself on a date; it could be a picnic in the park (pick yourself some flowers and take them home or spend the night stargazing), a day out at a museum or gallery (many have free entry on certain days), cook yourself a delicious meal and dessert for yourself followed by a movie night, have a DIY spa night; run yourself a bath with scents, candles and music
9) Learn About Yourself
Explore yourself in therapy or take up journaling. This experience can be life changing
10) Learn Something New
Read a book, listen to a podcast on new topics or those you enjoy the most. Something new may teach you something about yourself which you were never aware of
You don’t have to be on your own to feel lonely - you might feel lonely in a relationship or while spending time with friends or family – especially if you don't feel understood or cared for by the people around you.
If you’re feeling lonely and need support, there are a range of organisations that can support you, do not suffer in silence -
Marmalade Trust | Loneliness Charity | Based in Bristol, England
